


Faking It

by casstayinmyass



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Boners, Bathroom Sex, Cas Has A Really Dirty Mouth, Coming In Pants, Dean's not gay, Dry Humping, Fake Orgasm, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oblivious Castiel, Poor Sam, Quickies, Sam Needs Brain Bleach, Semi-Public Sex, Sex noises, until he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-14
Updated: 2015-10-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 09:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5000299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstayinmyass/pseuds/casstayinmyass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Based on Misha's fake orgasm at Jibcon a few years ago). Dean and Cas stop by a restaurant during a hunt, and somehow, the topic falls to Dean's sex life. Cas seems to think it's not logical to believe all women have genuine sexual climaxes, and using the pizza man as a model, he is more than happy to demonstrate how real a fake one can sound.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faking It

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Misha's fake O at Jibcon, also based on the scene from the original source, When Harry Met Sally.

Dean and Cas went and sat down at a café, opting to take an indoor booth. They were currently discussing the hunt they were on in town, while Sam was back at the motel.

"Man," Dean suddenly said, shaking his head, "I gotta get laid; it's been too long." Cas frowned.

"Dean, there's a changeling in town and people are dying. Don't you think sexual gratification can wait?" Dean scowled.

"Can't a guy have a little fun on the side? Geez. I deserve a good time right about yesterday." He lowered his voice. "And god knows I give the ladies a good time."

Cas looked at him. "Are you sure?"

Dean frowned back. "What do you mean am I sure, 'course I'm sure!" Cas shrugged.

"It just seems that you spend so many nights in intimacy with women, that there are likely to be a number out of those that do not reach satisfaction."

Dean sat there, dumbfounded. "First of all... I'm not a whore! I don't go sleepin' around with just any hot piece of ass that gives me the once over!"

Cas raised an eyebrow as if to challenge that statement, and Dean huffed. "Shut your mouth. Second- why the hell are you analyzing the satisfaction rate of the partners in my sex life? I'll have you know I have them moaning and beggin' every time." The shit eating grin on his face showed how proud he was of this.

Cas was not convinced.

"Forgive me if I am hurting your delicate ego, but I find it acceptable to presume that many women fake the sexual peak of intercourse sometimes."

Dean frowned, and sat forward. "You're tellin' me they _fake_ orgasms?" Castiel shrugged.

"It's a present possibility, Dean. Out of the-"

"Out of the boatloads of women I sleep with, right?" Dean asked sarcastically, "Well, you seem pretty interested in my ability to _pleasure_ someone, you want a go, buddy?" Dean asked this jokingly, chuckling as he shook his head, but Cas shut his mouth, looking away.

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Uh... Cas?"

The angel turned back, looking a little irritated. "It's not difficult to simulate a female orgasm. I know, because I have seen what the pizza man does." Dean rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. Well, the friggin' 'pizza man' is unrealistic, I should know, I watch more porn than daytime TV, so-"

"Unghhh..."

Dean frowned. "Cas, you okay man?"

"Uhngh... _ohh_..."

Dean's eyes widened a little, and he sat up straighter in his seat. "Cas, what the hell are you doin'?" He hissed. But he didn't need an explanation to know.

"Oh... oh yes... oh DAD..."

Dean scowled at Cas' substitution for the word 'God'.

"Oh... oh yes, oh right there... right there," Cas moaned, getting progressively louder, and people were beginning to turn their heads.

Dean chuckled nervously. "Cas... _Cas_ , you've made your point," he gritted out, but Cas kept going.

"Oh, oh yeah, right there, just like that," he groaned in his low, guttural voice, "Grind it in, right there!"

Dean's mouth opened, then closed, at a loss for words. Those sayings sounded so fucking dirty coming from an angel's mouth. By now, people were staring, and Cas was slapping the table, grabbing the chair.

"Ooooh yes, deeper, deeper, go harder, please!"

If it weren't for the deep blush and incredible embarrassment Dean felt, he would have laughed at how strange Castiel's voice sounded, the monotone deadpan moaning out obscenities.

Dean couldn't keep his eyes off the angel. His face looked as if he _was_ having an orgasm, and it was captivating... almost making Dean salivate.

Wait... what? Cas wasn't... it wasn't like that!

"Ah! Yes! Yes!" Cas yelped, and Dean recoiled, eyes wide.

"Will you _can it_?" Dean whispered, looking around, "You're acting like a slut!"

"Oh _yes_ , I'm a slut," Cas repeated loudly, "Put it deeper, I need it faster!"

"Oh for fuck's sake," Dean muttered, looking away.

No, no... he felt his pants getting tighter, and knew he was getting a boner. Why was he getting a boner?!

"Oh... oh yeah... so good...."

"Dammit," Dean cursed under his breath.

"OH!! _Ahhhh_..." Cas sighed, white knuckling it as he thrust his hips up and gripped the table. Then he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, and let his breathing return to normal before turning to the hunter.

"Damn... I'll have what trenchcoat is having," the girl with the red hair and the Star Wars shirt, who was sitting two tables down, said.

Dean was sitting there uncomfortably, and Cas simply stared back. "Now do you believe that a female orgasm is easy to simulate during copulation?"

Dean's eyes closed, and he clenched his jaw. "Get up."

Cas tilted his head. "Pardon-?"

"I said get up, Castiel," Dean glared, and Cas complied, following Dean to where he was leading him.

"Dean, we left our jackets on our chairs-"

"We're not leaving," Dean snapped, and opened the door to the bathroom. Glancing around, Dean saw there was no one there, and promptly slammed Cas against the tiled wall.

"Are you hard?" Dean asked, still glaring. Cas looked down.

"No."

Dean rolled his eyes. "How can a guy just fake an orgasm and not get hard? Friggin' angels." Cas frowned.

"I'm not sure I understand, Dean-"

Dean put his knee up, and started grinding it into Cas' crotch until he heard the angel moan, for real this time. "You hard now?" The hunter growled. Cas looked at him, eyes unblinking, and he looked so utterly wrecked that Dean felt himself twitch.

"Yes," he replied softly, an edge of want to it.

"Uh huh..." Dean said, "Look, man, I've got no idea what I'm doing, so I'm just gonna-"

He was cut off by Cas pressing his lips to Dean's, and suddenly, their position was reversed. "I can hold my own, Dean," he said simply, "I know what to do."

Dean groaned, not knowing what the hell he was doing, and just gave in to another kiss, blindly pulling the angel's body closer to him. He began to thrust against Cas, and Castiel learned quickly, rolling his hips back to match Dean's pace. His hand slipped down the front of Dean's boxers, making a fist around Dean's erection and tugging.

Soon, both were gasping each others names, and Dean had no time to think about anything as his vision whited out, coming hard in his pants.

As the front of Cas' pants also became damp with a cry, Dean licked his lips, a blush forming on his cheeks again. Now that the heat had passed, he felt self conscious, ashamed, and all of the above.

"I assure you," Castiel breathed, "That wasn't fake."

And suddenly, Dean began to laugh. He began to laugh because he and his best friend, who was an angel of the lord, just dry humped in a bathroom after he humiliated the shit out of both of them just moments before. This was one for the books.

"I suggest we go back to the motel room now," Cas said, because Dean was too busy panting and shaking to say anything.

"Right... motel," The hunter muttered, walking out. They got a strange look from the waiter, but Dean just tossed a couple bills on his tray, telling him to keep it down.

After they paid, they went outside, and Cas zapped them back to the motel, where Sam was sitting on his bed, looking through a website.

"Oh, great guys! Just in time! I found a hot spot for these things, just off the corner of..." he faltered, looking up.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Cas being a reckless idiot, that's what," Dean grumbled, heading for the bathroom.

"That's hardly what you said when I had your penis in my hand not five minutes ago, Dean," Cas said, staring him down, and Sam choked, going into a coughing fit.

"I... oh, I'm going to town to... coffee," Sam said, scrambling up. "Or beer," he muttered as he ran out, "Or fuckin' vodka, at this point..."

After a second, Dean unlocked the bathroom door. "Cas!" his voice suddenly resonated from the shower, "Get in here and show me how to fake it again!"


End file.
